I do see significant improve in this revised draft! It is still not clear what it is you are going to be doing for the foundation. It is clear you intend to examine youth outcomes…but it is not clear HOW you will do so. The reader is confused by a couple of points. It seems you are interested in youth outcomes, however you mention you will investigate regulatory and policy factors….this isn’t the same thing as studying youth outcomes. To study youth outcomes the youth become your unit of analysis…if you are to study policies that impact youth your unit of analysis is the policies. So clarify what it is you plan to do for the foundation. What is it they want you to do?

See comments in the attached draft to guide your next set of revisions. Please see the attcahed draft and make the necessary corrections.

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