This is a good start for the paper, but there is still quite a bit of work to do in order to build a paper that is narrow enough and detailed enough for this assignment. Right now, the paper spends quite a bit of time describing obesity and its negative effects, but this part of the paper is really just rehearsing aspects of obesity that an educated US audience will already be familiar with. Those first three paragraphs should be shortened into one paragraph max. After that, the paper addresses possible factors that contribute to obesity, but they are very general and don’t get to the core of a particular debate. Most of the things you talk about in this paper are things that have already reaches the level of consensus, so there isn’t any debate there. Even the last two paragraphs that mention the government and other organizations that run programs to improve obesity are far to general for this paper. In order to have a strong paper, you should limit the entirety of your focus to a single contributing factor and then trace the conversation that surrounds that particular factor. To give you an idea of how much more narrow your paper needs to be, here are some examples of past student papers that have been successful: school lunches and obesity among elementary school children; soft drinks and obesity among young adults; standing desks and obesity among elementary school children. Find something equally as narrow and specific so that you can make an interesting and original argument. As you rewrite this paper, use your background section (the few paragraphs after the introduction) to establish that there is a connection between a particular behavior and obesity, rather than rehearsing the existing consensus that obesity is bad. Then show that there is a current conversation around the various possibilities for fixing the behavior that you identified.

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