I would like you to revise this essay for clarity with particular attention to multi-language learners. While I recognize your attempt to improve your vocabulary, the word choice often impedes clarity. Purpose: Shows an identifiable purpose. Topic: Has engaged the primary issue raised by the reading passage. Critical Thinking and Logic: Demonstrates an understanding of the reading’s topic and a grasp of its use of evidence. Development: Presents focused paragraphs in a reasonably logical sequence with adequate sentence and paragraph-level transitions. Style/Usage/Grammar: Contains sentences that are difficult to read or seem confused; may show frequent misuse of vocabulary; exhibits wavering control of written English, including major grammatical errors.

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