The following attached message, which originated in an international technology company, was intended to inform new team members about their upcoming move to a different office location. But its stream-of-conscious thinking and jumbled connections leave the receiver confused as to what is expected and how to respond.

Your Task. Study the complete message (on page 2 of this document). Then revise it with (a) a clear introduction that states the purpose of the message, (b) a body with properly announced lists, and (c) a conclusion that includes a call to action and a deadline. Improve the organization by chunking similar material together. What questions must be answered? What tasks should be performed? Make it easy for receivers to respond by “down editing,” i.e., returning the message with their responses (in another color) interspersed among listed items. Finally, consider adding “you” view to the message. It can be either an e-mail or a memo.

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